turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
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