Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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