Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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