So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
