last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
