I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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