Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So many bounce houses so little time
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
