Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
