I wish I could punch you in the face.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
