I want to have your abortion
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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