Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
