I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
