hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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