Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
