Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
