first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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