Im at strip club and am horny
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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