i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
