Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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