Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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