Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
