when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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