Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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