so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
