My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
