i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
