I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
