its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
