he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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