I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
