i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
