respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
