I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
