Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
