I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
