i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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