The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
