Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
