Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
