i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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