haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
