i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
