I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
