redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
