You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
