I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
