And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
