yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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