I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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