just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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