There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
