If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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