Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
